1 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,040 Have you got that thing working yet? 2 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,400 I don't know. How do you know where they're on? 3 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:20,760 Well, I don't know, do I? 4 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,100 It's like Baby Bailey, isn't it? 5 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:24,600 Baby Bailey? 6 00:00:25,060 --> 00:00:26,480 More like Baby Daily. 7 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,060 I think it's working now, Del. 8 00:00:30,580 --> 00:00:33,620 All right, come on in. Come and get in the shop then. That's it. Stand there. 9 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:34,839 All right. 10 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:35,840 Send it. 11 00:00:44,509 --> 00:00:45,710 Good evening, chaps. 12 00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:51,290 This is Derek Trotter talking to you from a secret location somewhere in 13 00:00:51,290 --> 00:00:52,290 southern England. 14 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,509 It's high, isn't it? 15 00:00:53,510 --> 00:00:54,510 It's high. 16 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,410 You dipstick, Rodney. 17 00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:00,810 Why do you want to go and tell them where we are for? 18 00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:04,209 It's supposed to be secret. I mean, suppose in this video it falls into the 19 00:01:04,209 --> 00:01:05,128 wrong hand. 20 00:01:05,129 --> 00:01:08,170 Tell them I say Mike is watching this in his bunker in Baghdad. 21 00:01:08,570 --> 00:01:11,190 Well, he won't be able to make Edna tell him what Del's doing, then, will he? 22 00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:14,910 I mean, even when he orders a mutton vindaloo, it causes major confusion. 23 00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,090 There you go, Gay. 24 00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:21,430 There may be an officer over there who's caused major confusion. 25 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,250 All right, all right. 26 00:01:25,010 --> 00:01:27,650 I reckon we ought to put all this on microfilm. 27 00:01:28,650 --> 00:01:30,090 That's a good idea, Dunn. 28 00:01:31,230 --> 00:01:32,670 Tell them it's over, then. 29 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,710 Here we are with all the wives and the girlfriends. 30 00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:39,530 There they are. 31 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,990 Some of the wives have been at the Dubonnie, I reckon. 32 00:01:43,790 --> 00:01:48,850 Anyway, as I was saying, here we are at this top secret location. 33 00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:51,910 It's not our wicker, mate. This soup's not our wicker. 34 00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:54,710 Nothing. Soup. 35 00:01:55,470 --> 00:01:59,330 Gawd, I've just said, haven't I? You dozy old twonk. I've just said this is 36 00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:00,750 supposed to be a top secret location. 37 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,400 Well, sorry, where was I? 38 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:05,680 Sorry, sorry. 39 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:09,699 So I would say, here we are at High Wycombe. Oh, blimey, now look what you 40 00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:10,900 me do. You made me do it now. 41 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:12,560 Look at this laptop. 42 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:14,820 It's a stupid idea anyway. 43 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,380 Whoever heard of sending a three -wheeled van to war? 44 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,620 Oh, well, that's the whole idea, isn't it, wouldn't it? 45 00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:24,630 Because they won't suspect nothing, will they? Because it is nippy, this van, 46 00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:27,490 you know. From whizzing and out of them old sand dunes. 47 00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:31,610 Do you know this thing can go underneath a camel and it would never know that 48 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:34,070 it's been there until it's smelt the whiff of the old exhaust? 49 00:02:34,990 --> 00:02:36,950 Oh, it'll get a whiff of exhaust, all right. 50 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:41,150 If they think 500 burning oil wells is bad news, you won't till this thing 51 00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,150 arrives. 52 00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:46,230 Rodney, there's a... 53 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,920 A finely tuned thoroughbred engine lurking beneath this bonnet of loose. 54 00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:52,500 Oh, leave it out, Phil. 55 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,920 Half the people on our estate have got bronchitis because of this van. 56 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,040 No, it's just burning a bit of carbon, that's all. 57 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:05,700 This, I tell you, this is the concourse of three -wheel vans, this is. 58 00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:10,300 The trouble with you, Rodney, is that you don't know how to drive it. That is 59 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:11,300 the problem. 60 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,420 You see, this van is like... 61 00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:20,620 It's like a woman, you see. You've got to... You know, you've got to... You 62 00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:22,860 know, you've got to learn how to caress it, you know? 63 00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:28,340 You've got to... Try to use a bit of the old gentle persuasion. 64 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,440 Oh, man. 65 00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:31,620 I'll say nothing. 66 00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:36,080 Yeah, I suppose it does remind me a bit of your expert still. 67 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,030 Drink too much, make funny noises, and he's old enough to know better. 68 00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:44,270 Yes, yes, all right. Thank you very much. Thank you, Rodney. Do you mind if 69 00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:45,189 get on now? 70 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:46,190 Thank you. 71 00:03:48,690 --> 00:03:52,870 Right, now, listen, lads. I'm sending you this three -wheel van packed to the 72 00:03:52,870 --> 00:03:53,970 gunnels with goodies. 73 00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:58,110 Oh, that's a nice gesture, Bill. Yeah, well, I'm a nice sort of person, aren't 74 00:03:58,110 --> 00:04:01,310 I? And I'm selling them to you at knockdown price. 75 00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:05,470 Now, what else, eh? You are actually selling stuff to our troops in the 76 00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:07,830 At knock... Sound prices, Rodney. 77 00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:09,750 All right? 78 00:04:10,190 --> 00:04:14,770 Now, General Peter de Villiers, he will be collecting the dosh as he's on 10%. 79 00:04:14,770 --> 00:04:18,510 So there you go. You're going to get a bargain of a lifetime. I'm doing my bit 80 00:04:18,510 --> 00:04:19,510 for King and Country. 81 00:04:19,589 --> 00:04:20,489 Everyone's a winner. 82 00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:22,630 Vent a tear, as they say in Saint -Tropez. 83 00:04:24,670 --> 00:04:29,630 No, seriously, though, boys, we just wanted to say from us, the trotters, and 84 00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:32,530 all the people back here in the UK, we're very proud of what you've done. 85 00:04:32,650 --> 00:04:35,370 I know you've worked hard. We can't wait for you to come back here safe and 86 00:04:35,370 --> 00:04:36,840 sound. So you can buy us all a pint. 87 00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:39,560 Anyway, well done. God bless you. 88 00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:42,380 Oh, and don't worry about the wives or girlfriends. 89 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,080 We'll look after them for you. 90 00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:46,320 It's safe in our hands. 91 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:47,940 Yeah, you know it makes sense. 92 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,220 Hey, Del. Shall we finish it like one of them news reports? 93 00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:53,940 Yeah, go on then, if you want. Go on then. 94 00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:57,340 This is Rodney Trotter. 95 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:01,600 News at 5 .15. Del, this thing still can't work, you know. Oh, it's out of 96 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,100 back. Oh, just carry on, will you? Go on. 97 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,920 Fire command, high with them. And very soon from the nearest pub.